Most difficult peace with ourselves

My claim to fame – meeting and talking with Brian “Head” Welch from Korn. I was never a huge fan. I could not relate to their darkness and anger and even less to the destructive lifestyle, but few years ago I heard Head perform his solo album “Save me from myself“.

Talk about a story of redemption! Now two books later, re-joined with Korn and traveling the world with a very different kind of message – one of brokenness, hope and more humility – Head caused some controversy when he reacted emotionally to the death of his good friend, Chester Bennington of Linkin Park. On Facebook page he wrote “Honestly, Chester’s an old friend who we’ve hung with many times, and I have friends who are extremely close to him, but this is truly pissing me off! How can these guys send this message to their kids and fans?! I’m sick of this suicide shit! I’ve battled depression/mental illness, and I’m trying to be sympathetic, but it’s hard when you’re pissed! Enough is enough! Giving up on your kids, fans, and life is the cowardly way out!!!

I’m sorry, I know meds and/or alcohol may have been involved, I’m just processing like all of us and I know we are all having some of the same thoughts/feelings. Lord, take Chester in your arms and please re-unite him with his family and all of us one day. Be with his wife and kids with your grace during this difficult time.” Later he added, “I didn’t mean to sound insensitive about Chester. Just dealing with a range of emotions today. Love you Chester. I’m pissed that you did this, but I know this could have been me back in the day after getting wasted one night.”

That’s just it. It could have been Brian Welch, it could have been me, it could be many people I know. We come from very different worlds and backgrounds but there is something we all experience and struggle  with. The ability to forgive yourself or even harder – to love yourself. Self-hate and self-rejection, in whatever form it comes, is one of the most common human experiences. I have never had to battle a serious depression, mental issues and have been fortunate to avoid lots of self-destruction but I do know what I have felt or thought many times looking in the mirror or reflecting on my innermost thoughts and motives and past actions.

There is something else Head and I have in common – we are pursuing peace with ourselves, others and God. Started following the way of Jesus in very different circumstances but with the same desperate need – to be saved from ourselves. To be saved from my pride, selfishness and self-loathing among other things. We want peace in the world but this personal inner peace is the most elusive. To love your neighbor is often easier than loving yourself. To love yourself just as you are because you are loved by Someone who knows you even better yourself. To forgive yourself as you forgive others and are forgiven.

I was heartbroken when I heard of Chris Cornell‘s (of Audioslave and Soundgarden) death in May. Why did I cry and listen to his songs again? Besides coming from the grunge scene, why did it feel so personal? Yes, I liked all the bands he was in and I absolutely loved his vocal talent. More than that – I was touched by the lyrics Chris wrote. He had a special gift for raw poetry. I think of all “Audioslave” fans who have sung along these lines “You gave me life, now show me how to live… And in your waiting hands, I will land, and roll out of my skin”

Yesterday I was driving across the state of Minnesota and all radio stations were playing Linkin Park. The one I did not hear and my favorite is “What I’ve Done“. I really like the official video and the lyrics,

“So let mercy come
And wash away
What I’ve done

I’ll face myself
To cross out what I’ve become
Erase myself
And let go of what I’ve done

Put to rest
What you thought of me
While I clean this slate
With the hands of uncertainty

I start again
And whatever pain may come
Today this ends
I’m forgiving what I’ve done”

I pray for comfort to those who mourn the death of their idols, friends, family, parents, sons, daughters! And I understand the overwhelming emotions Head expressed when you want to say to dear friends… I don’t wish you to “rest in peace”. I wish you to “live in peace”.

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Brian “Head” Welch from Korn and Sunny from P.O.D. sharing about their fears, hopes and faith

 

An inspiring day at the cemetery

Some may consider it morbid but Latvians like their cemeteries. Of course, not all Latvians and there is an ongoing debate why we pay so much attention to our grave sites and what does it say about our psyche and values and so forth. Even though things are changing, most people still choose to be buried in the ground (or their families choose it for them).

My mom passed away a few years ago and she is buried in one of the largest cemeteries in Riga. You can get lost there easily. It is so huge. When I was a child, I used to be scared of this place. In Latvia,  cemeteries are usually in the woods. It makes sense since we love our woods and find them the most peaceful and refreshing places. But to a child it felt like a dark and sad forest full of graves and dead people. I thought to myself, “This is where old people end up. Therefore I don’t want to become old.” Now somehow my mom being there makes it more hospitable 🙂 and she was no even that old.

Yesterday we had a big clean-up day in Latvia or call it our annual national “spring cleaning”. It usually takes place in April and people spend one Saturday raking leaves, collecting rubbish, cutting trees, cleaning parks and riversides and other places. I just read on the news that we had a record number of the sites and a record number of participants, in spite of wind and rain.

I joined a crew in the Great Cemetery of Riga which is actually a Memorial park. During the Soviet days the grave sites and chapels and the monuments were left to decay. There was too much of the old “capitalist” and “nationalist” past to remind us of how things used to be. I remember as a child walking by and looking at the chapels. I thought to myself that they must have been very rich people. But we were not supposed to think about rich people, right?

Yesterday I was reminded of things that are too important to forget. For example, the fact that Latvia has always been a multi-cultural place and our culture has been enriched by so many ethnic, religious, linguistic and other social groups. I read inscriptions in German, Russian, English and Latvian. There were pastors and statesmen, architects and actors, writers and educators, soldiers and city mayors…

There were burial sites of many famous and important people in our history who dreamed of Latvia as an independent nation when it was still a part of Russian Empire and who devoted their lives to see this dream come true. People who helped to develop the modern day Latvian language, who collected our folk songs and poems, who helped to build our beautiful country. I think of how their lives continue to impact us even today.

There is something profound about the tradition to write inscriptions on the tombstone which somehow describes the person or something this person would have said to us. Have you ever been asked what you would like to be written on your tombstone?

People had written things like “Treu bis dem Tod” (Faithful to the death)  but my favorite was “Auf wiedersehen” (See you again). Following the week of Easter, I thought it very appropriate someone inscribed this reminder that our lives matter so much more than just ‘here and now’. They matter now and for eternity…

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Spring at the Riga Great Cemetery (photo from internet)

Irish way of turning Darkness into Light

For those who noticed that I took a little break from writing… there are times when you just have to give full attention to the people you are with, seize the moment and enjoy it. So, I had put the computer away. And who wants to be on computer when you are visiting the beautifully green and ancient land of Ireland?

Now back in Riga I reflect on my favorite thing to see in Dublin – the Book of Kells. Probably the most beautiful book I have ever seen is Ireland’s most precious cultural treasure. It continues to amaze every time I visit the exhibition at Trinity College Dublin. This handwritten copy of the four Gospels of the life of Jesus Christ which was completed around 800 AD is so beautifully decorated and hand painted that it continues to inspire artists and scientists on how the authors actually did it. Many of the illustrations are so microscopic and intricate.

Most academics believe that this ancient Latin manuscript was written in a monastery founded around 561 by St Colum Cille on Iona, an island off Mull in western Scotland. It became the principal house of a large monastic confederation. In 806, following a Viking raid on the island, the Columban monks took refuge in a new monastery at Kells, County Meath, Ireland. Most likely they brought the manuscript with them or produced parts of it in Kells.

The famous paintings include symbols of the evangelists Matthew as the Man, Mark as the Lion, Luke as the Calf and John as the Eagle, the opening words of the Gospels, the Virgin and Child and a portrait of Christ. The Chi Rho page which introduces Matthew’s account of the nativity is simply stunning and widely considered the most famous page in medieval art.

Some years ago I read a book “How The Irish Saved Civilization” by Thomas Cahill. His main thesis was that the tradition of monasteries, including Saint Columba  and the monks on the island of Iona where ancient manuscripts were gathered, copied and cared for, helped to preserve the cultural treasures of Europe and other parts of the world. I know one thing for sure – there was much more happening in the Middle Ages than what we were told in  school. When I was growing up in Latvia, we were still taught the Soviet/communist version of the world history. Of course, no mention of monks, monasteries or any positive contribution of religion to our cultures.

I am glad that the term ‘Dark Ages’ is not used anymore… because there is Light and Darkness in all ages. People and communities make choices and respond to the times they live in. Some choose to take what is not theirs and destroy what they have not built. But other choose to give away what they have received and build for the future generations to be blessed and to enjoy.

Hopefully we don’t have to save civilizations anymore but we do know that the choice between the Light and the Darkness is always with us… Thank you, the Irish, for reminding us of these timeless truths!

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Chi Rho page (photos from internet)

Latvian:

Vispirms sveicieni tiem, kuri ievēroja, ka es pāris nedēļas ‘atpūtos’ no rakstīšanas… jā, ir reizes, kad vajag veltīt visu savu uzmanību mīļiem cilvēkiem, nepalaist garām kaut ko īpašu un to izbaudīt. Un kurš tad grib sēdēt pie datora, ciemojoties tik skaisti zaļajā un senatnīgajā Īrijā?

Tagad atpakaļ Rīgā es pārdomāju vienu no lietām, ko ir tiešām vērts redzēt Dublinā – Kellu grāmata (saukta arī Ķeltu vai Kēlu grāmata). Uzdrīkstos apgalvot, ka šis Īrijas nacionālais kultūras dārgums ir visskaistākā grāmata, ko esmu jebkad redzējusi. Tā glabājas Trinitijas koledžā pašā Dublinas centrā. Ar roku rakstītais manuskripts satur četrus Jaunās Derības evanģēlijus par Jēzus Kristus dzīvi un ir krāšņi un meistarīgi izrotāts ar miniatūrām un viduslaiku ornamentiem. Tas turpina iedvesmot māksliniekus un zinātniekus, kuri pēta, kā to vispār varēja tik smalki un mikroskopiski izveidot un uzzīmēt.

Kellu grāmatu datē ap 800. gadu, un tā ir rakstīta latīņu valodā. Lielākā daļa pētnieku uzskata, ka tā ir sarakstīta klosterī, kuru 6. gadsimtā Aijonas (Iona) salā, Skotijas rietumu piekrastē, nodibināja Sv. Kolumbs. 806.gadā salai kārtējo reizi uzbruka vikingi, un daudzi mūki tika nogalināti. Pārējie atrada aptvērumu Īrijā, jaunā klosterī Kellas ciemā. Visticamāk mūki šo manuskriptu atveda sev līdzi no Aijonas, vai arī tas tika pabeigts Kellā.

Slavenās ilustrācijas attēlo četru evnģēlistu simbolus. Matejs simbolizēts kā Cilvēks, Marks kā Lauva, Lūka kā Jērs un Jānis kā Ērglis. Katra evanģēlija ievadā ir skaisti zīmējumi. Gan Kristus portrets, gan Jaunava ar Bērnu ir ievērojami mākslas darbi. Viena no slavenākajām un visskaistāk ilustrētajām lappusēm skaitās Mateja evanģēlija ievads par Jezus piedzimšanu. Patiess viduslaiku šedevrs!

Pirms dažiem gadiem es lasīju Tomasa Keihila grāmatu “Kā īri izglāba civilizāciju” (How The Irish Saved Civilization by Thomas Cahill). Viņa galvenā tēze bija, ka viduslaiku klosteru un mūku tradīcija, tai skaitā Sv. Kolumbs un kopiena Aijonas salā, kur tika savākti, glabāti un pārkopēti neskaitāmi senlaiku manuskripti, palīdzēja izglābt šos Eiropas un Tuvo Austrumu kultūras dārgumus. Katrā ziņā viduslaikos bija daudz vairāk Gaismas, kā Apgaismība mums apgalvo. Un daudz vairāk Gaismas, kā man tika mācīts skolā Padomju Latvijā, kur par mūkiem, klosteriem un vispār par reliģijas pozitīvo ietekmi uz Eiropas kultūras attīstību netika minēts nekas. Jo tā laika vēstures versija uzsvēra, ka reliģija ir ‘tumsonība, varaskāre, vardarbība un turklāt meli, kuros dzīvo dumjās masas’.

Tas ir labi, ka vairs nav populāri lietot apzīmējumu ‘Tumšie viduslaiki’… jo visos laikos un laikmetos ir bijusi gan Gaisma, gan Tumsa. Cilvēki, kopienas un tautas izdara izvēles. Vieni izvēlas ņemt to, kas viņiem nepieder, un iznīcināt to, ko paši nav cēluši. Otri izvēlas dot citiem to labo, ko ir mantojuši un saņēmuši, un celt tālāk, lai nākamās paaudzes var dzīvot labāku dzīvi.

Cerams, ka mūsu paaaudzei nav jācīnās par civilizāciju saglabāšanu, tacu mēs zinām, ka izvēle starp Gaismu un Tumsu ir vienmēr mūsu priekšā… Paldies viduslaiku mūkiem Īrijā, ka viņi mums atgādina par šīm nemainīgajām patiesībām!

Bubbles and simple beauty of joy

London is one of my favorite places in the whole world. I have visited many times but have never lived there. So, I am allowed to keep my “honeymoon” feeling 🙂 It is a city of stories. On every turn you feel like there is an interesting and important story. Buildings, bridges, parks, statues, paintings, museums, theaters, train stations, markets, underground.

But my favorite thing to do is people watching. Believe me if you have never visited London; it is one of the best places to do it. The world is here. Literary. And for that reason I love walking along the river Thames. The view of the city does not change but every time it feels different because of the people. The story of London has a new chapter each day.

This last time I experienced a chapter about joy. The art of bringing joy. How little it costs but how much it does.

Who does not like soap bubbles? Children and adults alike are mesmerized by them. How they form, how they start floating in the air, how they change shapes and how far they fly. Some we catch, some get in our eyes or mouth and some get away. I love the colours and the rainbow reflection and I try to catch a glimpse of our world looking through a soap bubble.

There was a guy making large amounts of soap bubbles. Hoping to make some money but also enjoying it. And so was everyone walking by. The children forgot about their tantrums and wishes for sweets or rides or toys. They just wanted to play and catch and wait for that incredible moment when out of nothing (well, some soapy water) comes something as incredible as these simple objects of beauty.

Joy is bursting out as these bubbles burst out. I realize that I experience something that is fleeting. We describe it as “having fun”. The bubbles burst or float away and disappear. The children walk away and after 10 min they can be unhappy about something. The adults take the photos and then promptly forget about it. But this is a small glimpse into something bigger, more beautiful and lasting.

“A thing of beauty is a joy forever”, said poet John Keats.

Famous German theologian Jürgen Moltmann wrote on theology of joy. “Joy is enduring and puts its mark on one’s attitude to living. Fun is short-term and serves amusement. True joy is only possible with one’s whole heart, whole soul and all one’s energies. The feeling about life which underlies the party-making fun-society is, I suspect, more boredom with life than true joy. True joy opens the soul, is a flow of spirits, giving our existence a certain easiness. We may have fun, but we are in joy. In true joy the ecstatic nature of human existence comes to expression. We are created for joy. We are born for joy.”

For me, the simple fun with soap bubbles is like a door that opens for a short time to make us all stop and behold and then reflect why our heart so instinctively responds to it.

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Along the Thames (photos from personal archive)

 

Shared European identity? Being proud and embarrassed together

Recently in Amsterdam I was invited to join a small group at a local pub. I am not a fan of beer, so my choice was a glass of red wine. But the rest of my new acquaintances knew their local beers – Dutch, Belgian, German… You gather a few Europeans and they can have a whole long discussion of the flavors and origins and colors. We can get very patriotic when talking about our national exports. I guess there is no such thing as European beer.

Our group of six people was diverse – Latvian, Dutch, Greek, Belgian and Indian. Enjoying some free time after a very inspiring session and discussion on the state of Europe at a Christian forum, we were getting to know each other and asking questions about current issues in each of our countries. There were many things I learned about Greece and Belgium and the Netherlands.

One big question of the night was asked by the only non-European in our group (even though he has lived and worked in England for many years). What is a shared European identity? Is it even possible to have one? He pointed out that we were so good at describing the complicated histories and issues in our nations or even in regions within the countries. We like to defend and explain ‘our group’ to ‘others’ in case they seem ‘misinformed’ or ‘ignorant’. This is one of my favorite topics, too. Our identities!

Yes, we can be very clear on which is ‘our group’ and ‘our beer’ and ‘our borders’ but somehow we are also able to identify ourselves under this common name of “Europeans” and talk about shared values. I totally understand our friend’s question because it is difficult to explain. If we are struggling with our national identities (just ask people living in Latvia) and, in some cases, identity crisis, how can we even dream of saying that we have a common European identity?

Especially in the current political and social atmosphere in Europe where there is such a polarization to the right (those who say that every country is on its own and let’s go back to our forts and fortify them even more)  and to the left (those who say that we should have no national borders and internationalism is the future).

I realize I feel very European. When my American friends tell me, “You dress European”, I take it as a compliment. When I am in Asia, they say that I am from Europe (and not just because most people don’t know where Latvia is). I even write to my friends in Latvia and tell them when I am coming to Europe! I talk about European movies, European cities, European issues… Yes, this is my identity also!

What do I identify with? Obviously Europe has showed its best but also its worst through the history and even today. Why is it that I am not ashamed to say that I am from Europe? I think one of the big reasons is that we work hard to keep peace with each other. We have fought and hated and destroyed and we are tired of it. We have desired what others have and taken it by force and demoralized ourselves in the process and we are tired of it.

Guess what? I am not even shamed of our European Song Contest called Eurovision. Even though I get embarrassed by many of the songs and costumes and some participants. And the funny thing is that we take turns producing these ’embarrassing’ performances, so we are in the same boat. During the last contest, the event hosts reminded us that Eurovision was created in 1956 to unify continent torn apart by war and now once again Europe is facing darker times. (Again, let’s ask Ukrainians about peace and unity within the country and with their neighbor Russia)

Maybe one way we create our shared European identity is by sharing our embarrassing moments like dumb, brainless songs and by showing that we care about each others pain like supporting the story of Crimean Tatars, represented by this year’s winning song from Ukraine.

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Eurovision Song Contest – being proud and embarrassed together (photo from the web)

Latvian:

Nesen Amsterdamā neliela draugu kompānija uzaicināja mani uz vietējo krogu. Neesmu alus cienītāja, tāpēc izvēlējos glāzi vīna. Toties mani jaunie paziņas pārzināja vietējās alus šķirnes – holandiešu, beļģu, vācu… Tā ir taisnība, ka eiropieši var ilgi un gari apspriest alus šķirņu garšu un krāsu un izcelsmi. Mēs esam lieli patrioti, kad runājam par savu nacionālo eksportu. Šeit nav tādas kategorijas kā vienkārši Eiropas alus.

Mūsu mazā kompānija bija ļoti multikulturāla – latviete, holandieši, grieķis, beļģiete un indietis. Atpūtāmies pēc garas un labi pavadītas dienas, kurā piedalījāmies kristīgā forumā, veltītam svarīgiem jautājumiem Eiropā. Varējām labāk iepazīties un pajautāt par aktualitātēm citās valstīs. Es uzzināju daudz ko interesantu par Grieķiju, Beļģiju un Nīderlandi.

Vienīgais ne-eiropietis mūsu kompānijā (kaut gan viņš jau daudzus gadus dzīvo un strādā Anglijā) uzdeva vakara lielo jautājumu – kas ir Eiropas kopīgā identitāte? Vai tāda vispār ir iespējama? Viņš norādīja uz to, ka mēs tik ļoti turamies pie savām nacionālajām un etniskajām identitātēm. Mēs aizstāvam un izskaidrojam ‘savējos’, lai ‘citi’ mūs zinātu un saprastu, un lai uztvertu mūs ‘pareizi’. Man arī patīk pētīt šo tēmu. Mūsu identitātes!

Jā, mēs labi zinām, kura ir ‘mana tauta’ un ‘mans ēdiens’, un ‘mans alus’ un ‘mana vēsture’, bet tomēr mēs spējam sevi identificēt zem šī vārda ‘eiropieši’, un pat apzināmies kopīgas vērtības. Es saprotu, kāpēc mūsu paziņa no Indijas uzdeva šo jautājumu, jo Eiropas identitāte ir sarežģīta būšana. Ja mēs vēl skaidrojamies un definējam savas nacionālās identitātes (kā, piemēram, Latvijā) vai piedzīvojam identitātes krīzes, kā mēs varam runāt par kopīgu identitāti kā eiropieši?

It sevišķi patreizējā sabiedrības noskaņojumā, kad politiskie spēki velk uz pretējām pusēm. Pa labi, kur saka, ka katrai valstij jādomā tikai par sevi, un jāiet atpakaļ savos cietokšņos, un tos vēl vairāk jāstiprina. Pa kreisi, kur saka, ka valstu robežas un nācij-valstis ir savu laiku nokalpojušas, un internacionālisms ir mūsu nākotne.

Es sapratu, ka jūtos ļoti eiropeiska. Kad mani draugi Amerikā saka, ka es ģērbjos kā eiropiete, man tas ir compliments. Kad esmu Āzijā, draugi uzsver to, ka esmu no Eiropas (un ne tikai tāpēc, ka Latvija ir maza un nepazīstama). Pat draugiem Latvijā reizēm rakstu, kad braukšu uz Eiropu. Jā, Eiropa ir daļa no manas identitātes.

Ar ko tad es īsti identificējos? Skaidrs, ka Eiropā ir ar ko lepoties, bet arī daudz, no kā kaunēties un ko nozēlot – gan pagātnē, gan tagadnē. Kāpēc man nav kauns būt eiropietei? Varbūt viens no iemesliem ir tas, ka mēs tik ļoti cenšamies uzturēt mieru savā starpā. Mēs esam daudz karojuši, ienīduši viens otru un iznīcinājuši, un tas jau ir līdz kaklam. Mēs esam iekārojuši to, kas kaimiņam, un nēmuši to ar varu, un pazaudējuši paši sevi, un tas jau ir līdz kaklam.

Atzīšos, ka man nav pat kauns no Eirovīzijas dziesmu konkursa. Kaut gan varu nosarkt par daudzām dziesmām, tērpiem, šova elementiem un dažiem izpildītājiem. Smieklīgais ir tas, ka šajā ziņā visi esam līdzīgi – katra valsts ir sagādājusi šādus brīžus, ka tautiešiem gribas izslēgt televizoru vai aizbāzt ausis. Šī gada finālā vakara vadītāji atgādināja, ka “Eirovīzija tika radīta 1956. gadā, lai palīdzētu vienot kontinentu, kuru bija sašķēlis karš, un šodien Eiropa atkal skatās acīs tumsai” (cilvēki Ukrainā var pastāstīt, ko šie vārdi ‘miers’ un ‘vienotība’ nozīmē viņiem gan iekšējās, gan ārējās attiecībās)

Tātad viens no veidiem, kā mēs radām savu kopīgo Eiropas identitāti ir kopīgi pasmieties par savām smieklīgajām, dumjajām dziesmām, bet arī kopīgi skumt par citu sapēm, un tāpēc tik augstu novērtēt Ukrainas dziesmu par Krimas tatāru traģisko vēsturi.

Growing up in the Kingdom of Crooked Mirrors

Often people ask me what was it like to grow up in Soviet Union? What kind of childhood I had and how did it compare to the way they imagined it. They want to know the story behind the story.

Winston Churchill coined the phrase “Iron Wall”. Of course, there was a literal wall in Berlin and largely our borders were impenetrable but mostly it was an invisible but powerful barrier of different kind. Not physical, but ideological one. Like looking at each other through the Looking Glass where the reality appears very different. If not the reality itself, then certainly the definition and meaning of things.

Even children’s stories revealed this. In the USSR, we often had our own versions of famous Western novels. I am sure that some critics would argue but to me one of those ‘revised copies’ was a Soviet fairy tale called “Kingdom of Crooked Mirrors” by Vitali Gubarev which was also made into a popular children’s movie. A Soviet answer to “Through the Looking-Glass” by Lewis Carroll

The plot of each story is different but the main idea remains the same – reality is distorted on the other side. In Lewis Carroll’s story, the main character Alice experienced weird and illogical and confusing things in the strange chess world of power inside the looking glass. But the heroes of the Soviet story, Olya and her mirror image Yalo, were not confused. They saw things clearly. They discovered a world of evil and exploitation and greed and they overcame all the challenges because they came from the “best country in the world” and they were brave little “pioneers”. (Pioneers – a communist youth organization in the USSR. We wore red scarfs which symbolized the Soviet flag)

The evil powers were three plotting characters who wanted to overthrow the king. Their names were spelled backwards (actually in the kingdom everyone’s name was spelled backwards) but they were Kite, Snake and Toad. I saw the movie many times and I quickly figured out that they must be the Western capitalists, imperialists and exploiters.

In the story, Olya and Yalo saved a boy named Friend. He was what you would call a political prisoner because he was imprisoned and sentenced to death for refusing to make the crooked mirrors. The mirrors are everywhere and they show you thin if you are fat, young if you are old, smart if you are stupid and so on. So, the whole kingdom is based on lies and people are turned into either hypocrites or slaves.

I loved the story and I enjoyed the movie. I wanted to be a brave little pioneer like these girls and I wanted to rid the world of all evil and greed and lies.

Then as I was getting older, I started to realize that our own country was full of crooked mirrors and people were making them (think media, education, official history, even literature and art) and people were made to accept the distorted ‘truth’. You did not dare to disagree and those who did… well, they were silenced, sidelined or exiled.

One day the Looking Glass came crashing down. The longer the distance of time the more I start to feel – did I live in a movie? Was it real?

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Photos from the movie “Kingdom of Crooked Mirrors” (USSR)