I went to the farmer’s market for the weekly shopping. Potatoes, carrots, apples, oranges… what else do I need for the last three days of 2019? Do I want to cook something? Not really! This is what happens when my husband is away during the holidays and I don’t care if the fridge is empty. Call it the end-of-the-busy-year laziness!

Tomorrow is Sunday, the day to see my church friends. I particularly enjoy that the church service starts in the afternoon because weekends are also perfect for late starts. Usually there is a long list of things I wish to do on the weekend but I get too ambitious. The list is simply too long and the hours too short. Friends, family, books, morning devotionals, walks, movies… the familiar choice of favorite activities.

I also tend to spend a lot of time of thinking, and there is always a certain pressure to reflect at the end of the calendar year. I don’t know why?! Maybe I do but I am sure smarter people have many answers why we need to mark each year – the milestones, the highlights, the achievements, the failures and the surprises – and why we make resolutions for the next one.

I peeked at my last post from December 2018 (please, don’t!) and saw a reminder why my New Year’s resolutions is usually such a vapor. One year ago I wrote: “I would ‘plan’ more fun.” Like dancing (occasionally in front of the mirror?), swimming (once this summer?), reading classic novels (when was the last time?), live concerts (yes, a few!), hikes in the woods (none!), museums (did I?) and traveling around (some in 2019 but starting 2020 with a trip to Thailand).

There is certainly something wonderful, uplifting, human, healthy and necessary about trying to choose and to decide what this earthly life is about and what are my most important priorities in the year to come. In some ways it is not so different from those childhood dreams of “who I want to become when I grow up”. Surely I am still growing up. I get excited when I think about what unknown challenges, opportunities and adventures may be around the bend and I still prefer the road-less-traveled.

There is one resolution, though, which I make… and absolutely need to make every year, month, week and day. It may sound like a spiritual platitude but there is one companion whom I cannot do without and choose to hold on to – God as in Father, Son and Holy Spirit! As in personal God, as in friend, as in helper and much more. There is hope when I get too arrogant, self-righteous, distracted, confused, discouraged, lost and delusional. There is hope when there is madness in me and all around. There is hope when I don’t know what I want or need or can. There is hope when I want to love my family, friends and even my “enemies” like Jesus has showed us and taught us, but I cannot. There is hope when I realize again and again that I have a “stiff” heart but God can turn it.

“If you then, who are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will the heavenly Father give the Holy Spirit to those who ask him!” My resolution for 2020? To ask for more of the spirit of Jesus!